I believe the world we live in, our entire world; is a reflection of our inner world.
Stay with me here for a minute or two…..there may be something you agree with or at least you’ll have great opportunity to disagree shortly…..
I believe outside circumstances in our own lives, the planetary circumstances, wars…all of it, are on some level, a reflection of our inner world. Until we as a species heal ourselves, our world will continue to reflect back to us our own inside atmosphere.
As far as I can see our world’s biggest disease is not taking responsibility and pointing the finger at someone else.
If I break down most anything….it comes down to that. We close our eyes, don’t think about our actions and reactions and then when things fall apart; we look to whom we can blame.
For today, I’d like to remove heinous acts of violence due to crazy people out there…..in those cases, there are indeed victims and my heart hurts for those people.
Other than those tragic situations, for the most part, there are no victims, only volunteers. I speak of taking personal responsibility for everything around us and stop the finger pointing. I can think back to every bad thing that has ever happened to me and you know what? I ignored the signs along the way. I made wrong decisions. I had my own reactions that could have been different.
Want to talk about the environment? Well, back in the early days, no one worried about our planet. Everyone figured someone else would take care of it, figure it out or clean it up. I remember my father throwing fast food napkins out the car window. It makes me sick to think about now. My dad used to say that there were highway people that clean up those things. Wanna bet?
Or maybe wars? Let’s see….all those men and women that strategize and decide to go to war on BOTH sides were once little children taught that when someone wrongs you, you don’t take responsibility for your half of things or at the very least your own reaction. They were probably taught sadly that force and anger, violence and revenge were the ways to figure things out.
Consider our planet’s war and environmental issues. I don’t care about the macrocosm view of things, I’m talking about the Microcosm world of the individual. It takes individuals, lots of them, to start wars.
I personally blame the oil companies for our most recent disaster, yet if I walk my own talk and really look at it….I’ve supported that industry my entire life when I could have made other choices. I could now take some vacation time and go work the beaches to clean it up. I could get involved with politics and work to make a difference. I could send $ somewhere or sponsor someone to go help with the crisis. How long did I ignore the warnings from organizations speaking of our ocean’s peril? But instead, I point my finger at BP Oil. Now, no doubt if you were sitting on my back patio with me, you would hear me rant a series of 4 letter words in regards to that company…..but my point is larger.
We as a society are 100% to blame for everything in our lives.
Let’s take a look at our divorce rates. Couples point the fingers at one another blaming the other for all sorts of sins. Break it down to the unmentionable such as adultery. Let’s face it; there were probably things the other could have done from the very beginning to circumvent it, or at the very least….see the seeds starting to plant or the signs flashing.
I hear couples blame one another for everything. “you made me mad” “it’s your fault” “if you would only” “if you would stop”. It’s enough to make me throw up a little bit in the back of my throat. Sure other people upset us, but if we take responsibility and actually look at what is being triggered inside of us….we can own our own reaction and then have a real conversation. If we would grow up and instead of reacting to our partner, start listening to their words, we might actually hear them. Doesn’t mean we agree with them. But we are 100% responsible for our reactions to them. No one can make you mad or even hurt you.
It’s easy to point the blame at the other. I can point the finger at my partner and say he is the angry one. But you know what? I’m angry too. And I engage in it. I fire right back. Doesn’t mean he’s right but I am the one firing back. I’m the one being triggered and responding with anger.
If what I say to him makes him angry, that’s his stuff. Are you following me here? We have 100% control over our own reactions and actions. No one can make you do anything. The minute I hear someone say “You, You, You!” to me…..i lose respect for them and know there is nothing that can get solved here.
I am absolutely not suggesting we put up with bad behavior. What I’m suggesting is this: perhaps the world around us will reflect favorably to us when we start taking personal responsibility for our lives. Perhaps the world will stop warring when we stop warring in our personal relationships. Perhaps our partners will stop infuriating us when we look at the trigger that makes us furious.
Perhaps the violence outside our families will stop when we stop the violence within our families. Violent people are raised by violent families.
Taking responsibility means knowing that every action and reaction you have is yours. It’s yours 100%. No one else’s. Chances are the patterns in your life keep repeating and if you’re honest with yourself, you need to realize you’re the common denominator.
We don’t have to talk globally, we can just break it down day by day, hour by hour.
Just for the next week with anything you are feeling, consider taking 100% responsibility for it. First figure out what you’re feeling. What’s your reaction? Now own it as yours. Nothing anyone did to you justifies that feeling…YOU created it. I don’t care if the worst driver in the world cuts you off, the anger that you continue to hold in your heart for the next 10 minutes is yours.
I love the examples I’ve been taught over the years….If you want a glass of orange juice and someone gives you a glass of dog doo and of course you don’t want it, you say no thank you. You don’t start screaming, “i don’t want that, i don’t want that!!” Are you following me here?
Or this……..if someone says you’re wearing purple and you’re not, you would probably laugh and say, no I’m not. You don’t scream at them NO I’m NOT wearing purple and start defending that fact. The minute you are defending, you are being triggered. And that trigger is yours.
You see….it’s only me that has the trigger. If we have a reaction of any kind, WE contain the trigger that makes us react. Remove the trigger or at the very least notice it’s YOUR trigger and you have already diffused half the fight.
Don’t like something your neighbor is doing? Get a hold of why it bothers you, what it reminds you of and then when you’re sitting in the center of your own reaction, go talk to them. Own why it bothers you and you may just be surprised at how they deal with it. Attack them, make them wrong and hold them responsible for your feelings?….well, you probably just started a feud that will last a while.
Irritated at the slow cashier? What story are you writing in your head?
What stories are YOU writing in YOUR head about everything?
Politicians are the ultimate example of pointing the finger.
Next time you’re ready to do that to someone, think about your favorite politician that you love to hate…..Do you really want to be that person in your personal life?
I didn’t think so.
Remember what our parents taught us…when you point the finger at someone, there are 4 more pointing back at you!
xo
earth photo by Arvind Balaraman
finger pointing photo by Suat Eman
purple sweater by sjxosein
OJ and dog by graur razuan ionut
rings by salvatore vuono
gasoline by m_bartosch
earth with grass by francesco marino
fighter jet by bernie condon
all from freedigitalphotos .net
SAVE YOURSELF! I love this. Very true and well written. Blessings!
T,
I especially like your post titled Not Me! Not My Fault!
Man, if everyone thought a little more about what is going on in her/his own mind before reacting to others, there would be so much more peace.
Keep it up.