We all know those people that drain our energy, love to complain, seem to be the constant victim, and have an overall negative impact on those around them.
These are not the people I’m writing about.
Many of you know I recently went through a major health scare. I had to sit and wonder if I had cancer or an autoimmune issue and have since found out that gratefully, I’m fine.
What I discovered over these last few months is I really wanted someone to sit with me, hold my hand (and the Kleenex box as I sobbed), and listen to my fears. When people love us, they want to cheer us on, tell us to not worry, and dispel any scary thoughts we may be experiencing with their positive outlook.
We all do this with people we love and yet I learned in my 20’s when my father was dying of cancer, sometimes people just need to vent and to be witnessed. My dad shared that he needed and wanted someone to listen and let him talk of dying; I ended up being that person and while it wasn’t easy, it was the most loving thing I could do for him.
Are we all insensitive? I don’t think so. The problem is we’re not taught in our culture to sit with another’s pain because we live in a society driven by pleasure. It’s not pleasant to listen to the one you love speak of the worst possible scenario; after all, we’re conditioned to knee jerk cheer people up and help them see the positives in their life.
I agree with this most of the time since I coach people on a daily basis, and while I disagree with letting someone go negative and wallow in their fear for an extended period; I’ve learned personally that sometimes the greatest act of love you can do is sit with another’s pain and silently witness.
I’m not suggesting you get in and wallow with them for long repeated periods of time, I’m suggesting that once in a while if someone close to you is expressing fear or sadness, simply the kindest thing you can do is sit and listen.
xo
All images courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net Elderly couple by Simon Howden, Lunchtime Meeting by Tina Phillips, Women by DJ Codrin.
Great post Tamara and you’re entirely right. Part of being a good friend is learning how to listen. That can be a precious gift (and cathartic too) for the person suffering through their pain. I’ve been lucky to have friends who have provided such a great listening service when I needed to vent, and I’m only glad to return the favour when needed. Also, sometimes I will ask a friend: ”Are you looking for advice or do you just want me to listen?” and I found that people will tell you what they want. And they will be highly grateful if you just listen. 🙂
Great point my friend and thank you for your insights and transparency.
A great gift to sit and listen…just BE!
In gratitude,
Nancy
This is inspirational, helping me remember what love means
Thank you 🙂