A few months ago at a local coffee shop, I met a man with black painted nails, multiple piercings in his nose; odd scars on his legs, and a vocabulary that let me know he was highly intelligent.

I really didn’t want to converse with him as I had pre-judged him as some sort of radical character with loud opinions.  Yet since this was my favorite coffee shop, I politely answered the questions that seemed to roll out of his mouth in rapid fire.  Days later I found myself again next to him in line, and actually decided to breath into my belly and “talk” to him since he was hell bent on making conversation.

Turns out this man was not only a genius when it comes to natural plant medicine; but also quite the chemist and formulator of soap, lotions, and other natural potions for low immune systems, skin disorders, anti aging, and life’s bumps, scrapes and pains.  He generously gifted me with a few samples and after having close to miraculous results, I now thank my lucky stars that I dropped my guard and spoke with him.  I seek him out in that coffee shop often and usually stand with him for 15-20 minutes talking and learning fascinating things.  What a gift this seemingly odd man has turned out to be in my life.

For years I dodged another man that seemed to always want to speak with me in town.  We often found ourselves in the same place, at the same time, multiple times a week.  He reminded me of someone in my past that wasn’t particularly kind and had hurt me greatly.  So even though this person was not that person; I avoided him instinctively like the plague.
This summer I received a call from someone that knew I had wild nettles growing in my backyard.  Seemed his friend had an auto immune disease and needed a good supply of fresh nettles.  I agreed to his call and 3 days later we arranged for his friend to come to my yard and dig up a few plants.  Imagine my surprise and discomfort when I answered the door and saw this particular man standing there!
I almost fell to my knees; he’s in my house!  My personal space!  He knows where I live!

I caught my reaction in check, brought him into my yard, and had a few moments of uncomfortable conversation as he dug up some nettles to carry home.  He left thanking me profusely and as I watched him pull away, I stood and laughed.  He was perfectly kind, perfectly gracious and frankly; quite normal.

Two weeks later, I was up in a tiny mountain town for a 4th of July celebration and saw him. He raved about my gardens, thanked me for my nettles and offered a tour of his own garden nearby.   Because I was with a group of friends that nodded their heads in unison before I could decline, I reluctantly joined in the tour.

I couldn’t believe what I saw.  This man and his lovely wife had not only built the most magical house I’ve ever laid eyes on by hand; but they had planted equally enchanting gardens surrounding the building.  I felt like a little kid touring a fairy land.  For those of you that know me, this is right up my alley.  I was in heaven!

I dropped my guard, spoke to him throughout the tour and realized that I had made a new friend.  Now when I see him, I chat willingly.

I had let my initial judgment of his appearance prohibit me from fully engaging with this wonderful human being!  What a gift this lesson was for me!

So I wonder about us all…..when was the last time you braved eye contact and actually talked to someone in a public place that didn’t look like your ethnic, religious, political, style or even age match?  Believe it or not, most of us shy away from talking with people that don’t appear to be in our “tribe.” I’m not speaking of prejudice.  I’m speaking of that animal part of our brain that doesn’t want to reach out to “different.” That instinctual voice that reminds us to stay safe and close to the familiar.  I know I’ve avoided people that remind me of others I don’t favor …. just because there is a hint of that flavor, I don’t open my heart!  That’s crazy.

After bar tending my way through college, I learned the people you think are one way, ie: generous with tips, are usually quite the opposite, i.e.: cheap! Then throughout my early adult career in sales, I learned that I was rarely correct in making my initial impression of a customer.
Today, I’m reminded that judgment is sneaky.  Even when we don’t make others wrong because they’re different from us; we still hold back, close our hearts and don’t reach out to connect.  It’s more subtle, and just as limiting!

So, because I’ve been alerted twice this summer of my own preconceived ideas based on appearance, I now seek out the “different” on purpose.  I’m reminded of how much richer my own life is now that I know these two characters, and I remember to look at people as the many spices that make my life stew all the more interesting.

xo

Images courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

Woman on the Rose by Filomena Scalise, Hooded Man and Feet by Salvatore Vuono, Flowers by Simon Howden, Pot on Stove by Muah!